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Cold Case File

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Salt Lake City Police Department, Homicide Investigation, cold case file division.
Detective Lt. Nathan Michaels

Investigation into the death of one “Grandma” on the night of December 24, 1994. Case closed by Detective Sergeant Rue Lewis on January 12, 1995. Case re-opened on March 3, 2007.

Previous Investigation:
No arrests were made, and it was assumed that the reindeer were acting out of instinct ruling out homicide, or manslaughter. Grandpa and “Me” agree that Santa Claus may have been in control of the reindeer at the time of the incident, but since one Michael Jackson saw his mother kissing Santa Claus underneath the mistletoe that night at the same time of the incident, Santa was never investigated. Detective Sergeant Lewis closed the case after minor investigation.

On the night of December 24, 1994, Grandma was run over by a Reindeer walking home from the Ohur house at around 23:55 local time. The next morning she was found face down in the snow with hoof prints on the forehead and claw marks on her back. Pathology reports state that her death was caused by blunt force trauma to the head, and spine. Internal injuries include punctured lung, broken rib (cause of punctured lung) and sever internal hemorrhaging. Investigation places the time of death at around midnight, location: one block from the Ohur house. There were no eyewitness accounts, and no sounds from location of death.
I find this investigation to be vitally important, and worthy of my best efforts due to the severe lack of previous investigation, mishandling of evidence, and open and shut attitude of the previous investigator. Grandma’s death will undoubtedly reveal a cover up within the Ohur family, and will dismiss any notion that Mr. Santa Claus had anything to do with the death of Grandma. I find it highly disturbing that the grandson was able to make a profit off of her death by turning it into a cheery holiday jingle, and allowing a mockery of the Salt Lake City police department.
This investigation has been reopened at the request of Mr. Claus due to the concern of defamation of character at being accused of vehicular (?) manslaughter, evasion of arrest, driving while under the influence of alcohol or other substances, and lude and lascivious behavior. Since Mr. Claus denies ever kissing Mrs. Jackson underneath the mistletoe that night, he feels it necessary to account for his whereabouts and says “I want justice to be served against the imposter killing grandmothers with reindeer, ho ho ho”.


Facts:
1) She was walking home from their house, drunk and supposedly unmedicated.

2) She was alone on Christmas Eve, and found dead Christmas morning.  

3) When she was found the next morning hoof prints were noticed on her forehead, and "incriminating claws marks on her back".

4A) An average Caribou or Reindeer (Rangifer tarandus) can weigh anywhere from 60-170 kg (135-375 lbs) for females and up to 300 kg (661 lbs) for males.

4B) There are no wild Caribou in the continental United States; range does not extend down to Utah.  

5) It was snowing.

6) No eye witnesses available.

7) Grandma was involved in a clinical study of the new anti psychosis drug Haloperidol designed to reduce Hyperlocomotive Activity. This and the combination of Prozac (Fluoxetine) @ 20mg, and 5-Hydroxytryptophan which was to lower her chemical imbalance causing depression (and possibly paranoia) was not administered as prescribed the night of the incident.

8) The next day, Grandpa was seen watching football and playing cards with Cousin Mel.

9) Grandpa tested positive for Haloperidol and desoxyephedrine, and is an admitted substance abuser.

10) Cousin Mel (Actual Name: Melony Ann Griffen M.D. P.H.D N.D) is currently involved in the diagnosis and treatment of Cotard's Syndrome thru medication, and physical interaction.

11A) Grandma's medication was found in the glove box of Grandpa's car minus 48 of the prescribed 50 medication tablets.

11B) Grandma had only been on treatment for one month. Medication was to be ingested once daily.

12) Grandma was not insured for any amount. No will was ever made.

13) As of the re-opening of the cold case file no arrests have been made.


Pathology Report
12/25/1994

Dr. Abraham Gaylord

Name: Grandma
DOB: 5/13/1932
Time of Death: 12:05am
Height: 45”
Weight: 103lbs
Eye Color: L. Blue- R. White
Hair Color: N/A (bald)

Victim was delivered at 12:33am. Cause of death was determined to be blunt force trauma to the Occipital Lobe, left hemisphere, but her spinal cord was cut, and vertebra crushed just below the base of the skull, both are possible in causing instant death considering the severety of trauma to the brain, and damage to spinal cord.  Her injuries denote that she was attacked from behind and severely beaten with sharp objects as lacerations on her back indicate. This coincides with the speculation of being trampled by a reindeer.
Victim suffered a severe fractured first rib, causing damage to the brachial plexus, and lacerations of the subclavian vessel causing severe internal hemorrhaging, and fractured second rib puncturing the lung causing pneumothorax. Cuts and marks on back, and hoof marks on forehead indicate that Grandma was trampled by possibly a heard of reindeer.
My take on what really happend the night grandma got run over by a reindeer. Cold Case style...
© 2007 - 2024 Robert-Scott-Pfau
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Garnet-43's avatar
:D Clever, funny, and well written.

Most enjoyable.